Recently, on Facebook, a Florida veterinarian posted an unusual suggestion:
What if parents no longer taught their children to ask for permission to pet a dog?
Lynn Honeckman, DVM, explained:
I wrote this post yesterday specifically after a veterinary colleague with two young children encountered two unfamiliar dogs being walked near their home, asked if her children could pet the dogs, received permission, and then one of the children was bitten by one of the dogs.
Asking permission first does not guarantee there will not be a bite.
In order to keep the MOST children safe, we should be teaching them that petting unfamiliar dogs is the very rare exception, and that most of the time, they should engage with the dog in other ways.
Instead . . .
We should respect that very few dogs want to interact with unfamiliar people. Very few.
Very few people want to physically interact with unfamiliar people.
We should understand that although the person may think their dog will be tolerant of petting—because perhaps they have always been in the past—the dog may not be tolerant on this specific day and at this specific time.
We should understand that people do not always interpret canine body language appropriately and that it can change in a moment.
We should instead learn to address and acknowledge the unfamiliar dog from a safe distance and without any expectation of touch.
We should teach children to engage in other ways—a soft voice or gently tossed treats (with permission)—and then to move on.
We should teach children to see if they can change a dog’s body language to loose and wiggly just by using their voice or their own body language from afar.
We should teach children and others to admire attributes of the unfamiliar dog (“What a curly tail!” “What big ears!” “I love her glossy fur!”) without any expectation of touching those body parts.
We should teach our children to say a soft “Hey, pup!” or “Good boy!” as they pass an unfamiliar dog without any other expectations of interaction.
Dogs deserve to live and walk through this world in peace. And to be free to solicit physical touch and attention from the people they want it from, but not to endure it from those they don’t know.
Far too many of my clients’ stories start out with:
“ . . . and he was wagging his tail, so I thought it would be fine to pet him!”
“ . . . I told my neighbor my dog is afraid of strangers, but she insisted that she is good with dogs and then reached out to pet her anyway.”
“ . . . so my children asked the owner if they could pet their dogs, and the owner said ‘sure,’ but then one of the dogs snapped at my three-year-old and bit her in the face.”
The expectations need to change.
This is what will reduce dog bites, and keep adults and children safer.
Photo by Steven Cogswell
Don’t teach children to ask permission to pet dogs?
That’s what veterinarian Honeckman is suggesting. Encouraging children to ask to pet dogs they don’t know may result in the children’s expecting that permission will be granted. When permission isn’t given, the children may be disappointed and unhappy.
You’ve probably seen at least one viral video of someone who got very mad, to the point of nasty verbal abuse, at a handler who was asked, and who refused, permission to a child who wanted to pet their service dog—even though “everybody knows” service dogs are not to be touched, petted, or distracted in any way when they’re working!
You may not ever be unlucky enough to encounter one of these “entitled” jerks yourself, but even the average pet owner can garner some unpleasant reactions by simply saying, “No,” when someone asks to pet their dog.
Lynn Honeckman adds:
For those who teach children to ask permission to pet—that is commendable and certainly better than [allowing the child to rush] toward a dog with intent to touch.
Keeping children safe is the first priority.
HOWEVER . . . and I cannot stress this enough . . . when the child asks permission of the owner, they are still NOT asking permission from the dog.
And they are still hoping, anticipating, expecting . . . for the owner to say yes and for the touch to happen.
There will be always be anecdotal exceptions, and I am thrilled that so many people feel that their own personal dogs are friendly with so many strangers. But until there is an actual cultural change in the expectation of how we approach and handle dogs, people will remain in jeopardy of being hurt, and everyone (people and dogs) will suffer the consequences.
Dr. Honeckman offers some excellent suggestions on how parents and caregivers can redirect children’s eagerness to touch and interact with dogs they don’t know. I especially liked one idea that several commenters on the original post had—teach kids to “wave” at the dog from a safe distance . . . and teach the dog to wave back!
For the dog, it’s a relatively easy trick to learn, especially for those paw-centric canines who already “shake” and “high five”! Using the dog’s current favorite food treat in very small pieces, “shape” a wave by rewarding first a paw-lift, then successive higher and higher paw-lifts, until a “wave” is achieved. Add the “cue” of someone standing in front of the dog, waving. As the dog responds well, have the waving human move farther and farther away, so that the dog learns to do the trick with the cue coming from a safe distance, and, eventually, from a smaller person.
Ideally, a “waving” dog will be sitting at its handler’s side, which is always a good alternative to approaching an unknown human (especially a child) at a fast pace or in a disruptive manner. Plus, a dog that is waiting to be rewarded for response to a familiar cue will be paying attention to the handler, who is the one rewarding the behavior with an endless supply of treats!
Do you have a friendly dog who’s gentle and good with children? Make the first move yourself! Scope out approaching families when you’re walking, spot the children who are well-behaved and with attentive adults, ask parents if the kids would like to pet your dog. Set the tone for the interaction with a few words. “One child at a time,” is a good start! Tell the kids what to do, how to approach, where to touch, in a running commentary as you keep a close watch on both the children and your dog. Notice what the kids are doing right and thank them. Make it short and sweet—end on a success!
When you’re walking with a dog who on that day may not want to interact with strangers—or it’s you who doesn’t want to interact with people you don’t know at that moment, for whatever reasons—it’s not just your right to say no . . . it’s your responsibility.
You are your dog’s advocate and your dog’s protector. Your dog can give consent to being interacted with . . . and your dog can say no. It’s your job to learn how to recognize those reactions and to act accordingly.
When you say no to your dog’s being petted, it’s probably ideal to do it pleasantly, although that’s sometimes challenging when you’ve been rudely treated. But your dog might be more direct, and teeth could be involved, which is exactly what you’re doing your very best to avoid . . . so say it with a smile—but don’t take any guff.
If your dog never wants to be petted by strangers, at least at this point in its life, consider a leash or a vest for the dog to wear that indicates “DO NOT PET” or “STAY AWAY” in no uncertain terms. There’s no guarantee such signage will prevent all approaches by prospective petters, especially little kids who can’t read, but it’s bound to reduce the numbers a bit. I’m especially fond of one dog vest I’ve seen in photos from Great Britain—it proclaims quite clearly about the dog: “I’M A TWAT!”
Dr. Lynn Honeckman graduated from Purdue University School of Veterinary Medicine in 1993, and has practiced in small-animal medicine and exotics over the past 23 years in Illinois, New York, and Florida. In 2011, she opened Veterinary Behavior Solutions to focus on behavior cases throughout the greater Orlando area. Dr. Honeckman is on the special council of the Pet Professional Guild and has helped create the Central Florida Force-Free Behavior and Trainers Network, where she works very closely with other professionals in the community to help reduce and treat fear, anxiety, and aggression in the companion pet. Dr. Honeckman is the committee chairperson for American Veterinary Society of Animal Behavior (AVSAB) position statements, is on the advisory board for Dr. Marty Becker’s Fear-Free™ Initiative, and is also a Level 3 certified fear-free professional. Dr. Honeckman is currently a behavior resident of the American College of Veterinary Behaviorists (ACVB).
