Last week, I asked animal lovers to recount the worst advice they’d ever gotten about a pet . . . and there were some doozies! This week, I asked animal lovers and animal experts to talk about the best advice they’ve ever gotten about a pet. There are some excellent suggestions, which cover pets from the day they’re adopted to the day you say goodbye—and those trying times in between.
How to recognize good advice about a pet? First and foremost, it comes from someone who truly knows what they’re talking about, and it makes good sense to you. Next: it works!
Jewels Eilmes-Daly (Arizona) Don’t ever adopt a pet until you’re ready for a life partner!
Ron Tussey (Washington) It’s traumatic for them to be in a new home, even a good one. Give them a few days. They are likely going to be anxious at first. Our cat from SCRAPS would claw me bloody for the first two or three days. Now, two years later, he is the sweetest cat. He had just been very traumatized and, even now, he has a heightened startle response.
Cheri Spaulding (Oregon) From a fellow trainer, Lisa Barrett: Don’t get another dog until you’ve taught your current dogs everything you want them to learn. It deepened my relationship with my current dogs.
Kathy Smith (South Carolina) Don’t put expectations on your second dog to be just like the first. Let him be him and show you his wonderful, unique self.
Christina Boling (Washington) Sometimes you don’t get the dog you want, but rather get the dog you need. Who said it? I don’t even remember! Some random person on the internet.
Peggy Modjeski (Kentucky) Love the dog you have and not the “perfect” dog you thought you wanted. I was teaching a kids’ class and had this really awesome kid who summarized what I had been saying into that statement. I just loved it and quote it often.
Jamie Robinson (Arizona) Train the dog in front of you.
Donna Weidert (Washington) From trainer Carol Byrnes: In training your dog, it’s all about relationship. It is about making the bond between you closer. That’s equally true for working with a parrot.
Caro Janmaat (Netherlands) Learn the language!
Sarah Richardson (California) Dogs don’t speak English and they don’t come pre-programmed to live in our human world. This was from my mentor, Dr. Kay Stephens, when I first started my journey into dog behavior. Actually, what she said was, “Remember, Sarah, they’re DOGS!” As a complete newbie to training and behavior, my first reaction was to interpret this as diminishing their abilities and importance, but I quickly came to realize that their being DOGS meant that it was our responsibility to recognize them as members of a unique, amazing, wonderful species that we are responsible for understanding and teaching—rather than expect them to bear the responsibility for implicitly knowing how to navigate our human world.
Photo by Sarah Richardson
Steven Cogswell (Colorado) I had an awful experience with a “balanced” trainer that caused me to cancel my contract with them. I hired a force-free trainer to work with us one-on-one to help us undo the damage. During our first session, our new trainer told me, “Dogs really only think about one thing at a time. First, they think about their survival, their safety. Then they think about sustenance, food and water. In order to get Gerald’s attention with a choke chain, you had to become the scariest thing in the room; the biggest threat to his survival. Do you want to be the scariest thing in the room, or would you rather be the most interesting?” Having my dogs know I have their backs, that they can trust me to help them survive and thrive, is INFINITELY better than having dogs that are so scared of me they “behave” so they don’t get hurt.
Jorge Melara (Wisconsin) 1. Catch your dog being good. If I were to come to your house and we kick off our shoes, and in walks your pup and picks up an appropriate dog toy and goes to a dog bed and chews, no one says anything. But if they were to pick up a shoe, they would get “chewed out!” 2. Teach what is “Yes.” In the words of Ian Dunbar, “There is only one correct way to do the behaviors; show them how.” 3. Mistakes in training are a part of learning. When a mistake happens, remember and learn, but then kick some dirt over it and move on!
Don Hanson (Maine) Stop focusing on the dog when they do something we don’t want, and instead focus on the dog when they are offering behavior we like. Dogs do what we want much of the time, but we tend to ignore it. Reward the behavior we like well and frequently, and the dog will start to offer that behavior instead of the behavior we dislike.
Sodonnia Wolfrom (Arkansas) “Your dog isn’t giving you a hard time. He’s having a hard time.” A reminder I got for my human-aggressive rottie. Definitely helped remind me that he’s not intentionally being difficult. He was very, very scared and lashing out. I was able to be a lot more patient with him after that. Now, he walks calmly past strangers and even managed to play with someone he met that day. (Instead of trying to eat them.)
Clair Eccles (United Kingdom) Grisha Stewart created a great technique that has been designed to help support frustrated, sensitive, or reactive dogs and their humans—by educating humans on body language (just part and parcel of the technique), which in return strengthens the core of their relationship. Empowerment encourages the dog to make better choices and with the technique (Behavior Adjustment Training) over time, it helps dogs overcome some or all of their woes. I had a human- and dog-hating rescue German shepherd. He made friends with selected dogs and learnt some great survival skills, and having that magnificent magnetic bond due to BAT made his coping strategies so much more doable in that big scary world. He learned to enjoy the environment again.
Dale Ward (North Carolina) Animals need choice—agency over themselves—just like we do.
Sandra Sandy Machado (Florida) “When a dog growls at you, say thank you for growling.”—Suzanne Clothier. I explain that growling is to have a voice, is to say, “Please stop, you’re making me uncomfortable,” which was probably said many ways through calming signals before the growling. I always show the ladder of aggression and talk about body language before that. But every single client goes through body language with me. When I work with kids, I modify it a bit. I teach them to say: “Oh, I’m sorry,” then to shake off and walk away.
Gwen Jones (California) That he’s not a “bad” or aggressive dog—he’s a scared dog. Completely changed my relationship with him.
Nan Kene Arthur (California) It’s actually advice I give to my Karen Pryor Academy students: Dogs are the best teachers; they have all the answers. We just need to learn to listen.
John B. Krug (Florida) The best advice actually often comes from the pet!
Peggy Frezon (New York) We rescue senior dogs and have many times had to make that difficult decision about when is it time to say goodbye. Sometimes it is clear or your vet makes it clear, but other times the dog lingers with challenging physical and emotional conditions that deteriorate and affect the quality of life. Everyone always wants to know, how can you tell when your pet is so ill and tired that they are ready? Someone from a rescue group once told me that it may be time when you walk into the room and your dog no longer wags his tail. I think this is a good factor to consider, and I weigh this along with other factors such as pain, mobility, interest in eating, etc. Our dogs long to be near us, they delight in our presence. Sometimes all they have left is their love for us. When they don’t feel well enough to show us that love, take this as one piece of the puzzle in making that painful, difficult decision.
Sue Heron (Florida) The only thing, sadly, that pops into my head was advice from our vet when we weren’t sure it was time: “Better a day too early than a day too late.”
LJ Roberts (Oregon) The best advice was from a veterinarian when It was coming time to make that hardest decision. “Animals don’t fear death. They have no concept of death. What they fear is pain.” That’s when I realized I was keeping my beloved kitty alive for me, not for him, and the truest gift of my love was to let him go.
One of my very favorite sayings—advice that encapsulates the basis of a positive training philosophy—comes not from an animal trainer, but from a writer:
“When a dog runs at you, whistle for him.”—Henry David Thoreau
What’s the best advice you have ever gotten about a current pet or a pet in the past?
