Jimmy Kimmel weighed in on the historic Donald Trump verdict on Thursday night (May 30), just hours after a jury found the former president guilty on all 34 counts of falsifying business records.
“We had to rewrite the whole monologue; it was a mess,” the late-night host said at the top of Thursday’s Jimmy Kimmel Live! before sharing his thoughts on the landmark verdict.
“Poor Donald Trump, seven weeks of sleep-farting all down the drain,” Kimmel quipped. “All for nothing. You’ve got to hand it to him, no president has ever been convicted more than Donald Trump. How long before he starts bragging about this?”
“Maybe he isn’t Teflon, maybe he’s one of those sticky traps for rats,” Kimmel continued. “Maybe he’s a wet pocket full of gummy worms.”
Trump was arrested in April 2023 and charged with 34 felony counts in relation to a hush money payment made to pornographic film actress Stormy Daniels to cover up an affair. The charges came about after Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen testified that he paid off Daniels in 2016 and passed it off as a legal expense.
Following the verdict, Trump told reporters the trial was “a rigged disgrace” and that “The real verdict is going to be November 5 [Election Day], by the people…. We’re going to keep fighting to the very end, and we’ll win.”
“I have bad news…,” Kimmel responded to the clip of Trump. “The only thing you’re going to be fighting to win is the Jell-O cup on your prison cafeteria tray.”
The host then showed a social media post from Eric Trump, which read, “May 30, 2024 might be remembered as the day Donald J. Trump won the 2024 election.”
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“Or,” Kimmel countered, “it will be remembered as the day a jury in New York spanked your dad even harder than Stormy did with that Forbes magazine.”
Trump will be sentenced on July 11, which Kimmel noted, “happens to be the same day Aaron Burr shot Alexander Hamilton, and it’s the day El Chapo escaped from prison.”
“But this is not El Chapo,” he continued. “This is port Chapo. We’re not in Mexico. This is New York. The judge could send him to Rikers Island. Will he get probation? Maybe they’ll put him under house arrest. Oh, man… for Melania, that would be, that is a double whammy with cheese is what that is.”
You can watch the full monologue above.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Weeknights, 11:35/10:35c, ABC
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