One in four Americans in a relationship admit they’re hiding a secret from their partner, according to new research.
A survey of 2,000 sexually active adults found that 26% of those in relationships admit their partner doesn’t know their true “body count” — the number of people they’ve been intimate with.
While a majority of these respondents said this is because their partner never asked (60%), another 16% admit they’ve lowballed their number when asked.
And while most of those in relationships have an answer about how many people their partner has been with, one in nine question whether or not their partner is lying.
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So what could the real number be? The survey conducted by Talker Research for LELO, found that the average American has been intimate with 14 people.
Two in three think the “body count” of someone you’re in a serious relationship with is vital information and another 56% said it’s crucial to know this even if you’re only casually intimate with someone.
Eight in 10 singles claim they’d be honest with their partner about the number of people they have been with (83%), but fewer want to know how many lovers their partner has had (62%).
They may have the chance to put it all out there soon: more singles are interested in serious intimacy the upcoming year than they were this past year (40% vs. 33%).
Reflecting on their sex lives, a fifth of respondents are embarrassed by the number of people they have been intimate with.
While a similar percentage wish they were intimate with more people (19%), a quarter wish for the opposite.
“We believe in the power of embracing your sexual desires and being unashamed of taking care of your needs,” said Luka MatutinoviÄ, chief marketing officer at LELO. “Every journey of self-discovery and pleasure is vital to intimacy. By tuning into what brings you joy, you can unlock deeper connections and a more fulfilling experience. Remember, there’s no shame in exploring your needs and discovering new dimensions of pleasure.”
Currently, one in eight are dissatisfied with their sex lives and timing has a lot to do with it, with 42% sharing they’re not as sexually active as they’d like to be.
Finding time is a challenge for 21%, with the average American sharing that they last had sex 10 days ago.
Just because they’re doing the deed doesn’t mean they’re having the best time, though.
Twenty-four percent said it’s been at least a month since they’ve had “good” sex — including 20% of those in committed relationships.
Although most would grade their most recent lover as an A or higher (55%), another 31% rated the sex they recently had as just average, in the B-C range.
Perhaps awkward moments like “when I fell out of bed,” “he got a nose bleed” or falling “asleep during the encounter” have also played a role in how long it’s been since respondents can recall having “good” sex.
However, these conversations are never easy to have: one in seven would not be honest with a partner if they were unhappy with their sex life.
More than a quarter of those surveyed think it’s offensive to receive feedback from a partner after sex (27%), and 23% are speaking from experience after a partner told them they were dissatisfied.
Some of the most difficult feedback to grapple with was that their partner was “getting tired of doing the same thing,” has “had better” or that they “did not live up to expectations.”
To protect their lover’s feelings, 59% admit they’ve withheld feedback about how satisfied they were after sex.
“Open and honest communication about sexual needs is essential for a thriving relationship,” said MatutinoviÄ. “Introducing sex toys can be a powerful way to explore desires and deepen emotional connections. Don’t hesitate to start these conversations — it can unlock new dimensions of excitement and fulfillment for you and your partner.”
FEEDBACK RESPONDENTS RECEIVED AFTER SEX
Said I was too loudI didn’t move enough with himThat I was not flexible enoughGetting tired of doing the same thingThey had to do all the workThat I needed to do more. Get more involvedI’ve had betterThat I didn’t last long enoughI did not live up to expectationsI need to kiss moreToo much teethTo be more intimate and engage firstThere was not enough attention to detail when it came to foreplay
AWKWARD INTIMATE ENCOUNTERS
Unannounced person knocked on our front doorWhen I fell out of bedThe first time, in a carNot being able to get on top my legs get spasmsWhen my child walked in on us in the middle of the nightEx girlfriend stopped byWhen I get the giggles during sexWhen I was in a sex swing and got my foot caught between the strapsFinding out I was on my period during foreplayParents walked inThe person acted like they were the greatest and they did nothing but lay there and make you do all the workHe got a nose bleedShe found another girls personal item in my bedWhen I slept with a guy I had just met, he told me he loved me in the middle of having sexWearing lingerie and setting a romantic evening for them not to give the same energyWhen I fell asleep during the encounterAsked to play Call of Duty immediately afterwardsA day I called someone by another nameWhen I was invited to be a “third” without knowing
Survey methodology:
Talker Research surveyed 2,000 sexually active Americans; the survey was commissioned by LELO and administered and conducted online by Talker Research between Sept. 19 and Sept. 23, 2024.
We are sourcing from a non-probability frame and the two main sources we use are:
Traditional online access panels — where respondents opt-in to take part in online market research for an incentiveProgrammatic — where respondents are online and are given the option to take part in a survey to receive a virtual incentive usually related to the online activity they are engaging in
Those who did not fit the specified sample were terminated from the survey. As the survey is fielded, dynamic online sampling is used, adjusting targeting to achieve the quotas specified as part of the sampling plan.
Regardless of which sources a respondent came from, they were directed to an Online Survey, where the survey was conducted in English; a link to the questionnaire can be shared upon request. Respondents were awarded points for completing the survey. These points have a small cash-equivalent monetary value.
Cells are only reported on for analysis if they have a minimum of 80 respondents, and statistical significance is calculated at the 95% level. Data is not weighted, but quotas and other parameters are put in place to reach the desired sample.
Interviews are excluded from the final analysis if they failed quality-checking measures. This includes:
Speeders: Respondents who complete the survey in a time that is quicker than one-third of the median length of interview are disqualified as speedersOpen ends: All verbatim responses (full open-ended questions as well as other please specify options) are checked for inappropriate or irrelevant textBots: Captcha is enabled on surveys, which allows the research team to identify and disqualify botsDuplicates: Survey software has “deduping” based on digital fingerprinting, which ensures nobody is allowed to take the survey more than once
It is worth noting that this survey was only available to individuals with internet access, and the results may not be generalizable to those without internet access.
